So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
