Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
