I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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