I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
