I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
