Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
