Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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