Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
