Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
