Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
