Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
