Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
