In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
