Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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