before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
