walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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