I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
