I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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