and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
