yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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