im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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