i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Drake has all the answers
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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