You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
