you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
