I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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