I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
