I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
