This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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