Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
