Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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