apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I need a beard to bite.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
