No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
