What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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