Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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