So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
