your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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