things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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