yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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