my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
