I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
