I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
