just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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