my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
wow bdsm is so cute
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
