Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
