i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
