My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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