Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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