I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
