i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
