"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
