you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
