Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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