last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You're a waste of cheezeits
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
