Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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